what have I done?

saturday night before the big trip. spent all day organising as i wont have time next week with work. anyway today was helping fluff unload the car and bang smash, hit my toe on the corner of the new couch, right on the hard bit. My middle toe is now bright blue. It looks broken. I can move it but it just looks so wrong. The toe doesnt hurt so much as my feelings. I am devastated. Although it could be alright by next week in time for training I can tell it will be tough. I will have to rest it for a couple of days and this is when I wanted to be training my hardest.

I often have lots of accidents because of my disabilities. Before this toe incident, on Christmas day, I decided to take the two dogs for an afternoon walk. We were minding our friends boston terrier pup, a very small dog as well as our staffy. I got to the park after a bit of an ramble and it was pretty late and I decided to take the dogs back home. But before i could even turn around the little dog was off. I dont know how it happened but I just lost control of the leash and he was gone. Although at that point in time it was still relatively light and I could see, my night blindedness was starting to kick in and I was already seeing dark patches. I tried to grab the leash but the dog kept on running around in circles. For five minutes I chased it around in circles, the whole time with my giant staffy on the other leash on my other hand. After a while I knew I had to change tactic. It just wasnt working, the dog has lost the plot. I tied up the staffy and by then it was nearly dark. I got on my hands and knees and tried to approach the littledog calling its name repeatedly. The dog wouldnt stop running. It was frightened and didnt trust me. By this time it was completely dark. I couldnt see a thing. I was in the middle of the park, no one was around, it was Christmas night, a little dog kept running away from me and I was blind as a bat and then only reason I knew it was still there was because I could hear it yapping at about ten feet away.

I was really panicking. This was my fiancee's best friends new puppy and I had haphazardly taken them for a late afternoon stroll only to loose the dog in the park because I was nightblind and couldnt see it running away from me.

This went on for another twenty minutes. By half an hour I started calling for help. I could hear people passing but then they kept on walking. I was crying out "excuse me, can somebody help, I am blind and I have lost my dog"..(afterwards I forgave the people for walking on, imagine stopping for a drunk person in the park who claims he has lost a dog?) and I see two girls drunkenly walking through the park They take one look at me and say they "have to go" and cannot help. I told them to say hi to adolf when they go to hell. their tails were between their legs, and they kept walking. Instead of getting angry, I again knew I had to change tactic. Someone who can arrange to get paid to ski can resolve this situation!

The next time I heard someone, which was about three quarters of an hour later I changed my cry to from simply "i am blind," to "can someone please help I am night-blind and I cannt see a thing and I have lost my little dog, can you please help me?", it is like stating the declaration of independence as a call for help..anyway so this old couple help me get the dog and takes me to the road and I wish them merry christmas and invite them home but they politely declined and that was it. Two hours of panic. Resolution was really a matter of mind. And the power of wanting to go to the snow resolved my fear.

Hopefully tonight this same power can cure my suspectedly broken middle toe. Is there a division for the blind deaf ski race for people with broken middle toes?