Last Two Days

So I just finished my last two days skiing here in Kimberley, yesterday Friday and today Saturday. Friday morning woke up to a glorious sun rise. Not a cloud in sight and was warm standing outside before the sun rose just in my pyjamas. It was anticipated to be a busy weekend, as it is Winterfest here in Kimberely. Winterfest is just a fancy word for heaps of activities and lots of people converging from all over the place. Fernie had seen alot of rain during the week where Kimberley only had snow, so the transient snow followers were also expected. There was a buzz in the van as we approached. It had snowed Thursday night quite heavily probably about 25-30 cms on top of the 30 centimeters of fresh that fell on Wednesday and Thursday. The line to the chairlift was 50 solid by the time the opening bell rang, and everyone was talking about what a great powder day it was going to be, the first decent one this month. Going up the chairlift it was obvious that the locals were right. There were no tracks anywhere. The trees were covered, and the attempt at what looked like grooming had obviously failed as the snow was quite thick on the main trails. As it was my last two days I said to the gang all I wanted to focus on was my powder skiing and bumps. First run was down Tamarack, a fairly steep, ungroomed black with really impressive fall lines. By my second turn I was in boot to knee high powder. It was soft and impressively dry. However, it had basically been one month since I last skied in these conditions (my second day at camp) and it was hard going, real leg burning material. By the tenth turn we were in knee to mid thigh deep stashes. The turning at the beginning was really tiresome, but my assistant coach gave me a few pointers, including to tighten my stance, get much lower, and open up my upper body more. This prove invaluable as by my twentieth turn I was ripping down Tamarack like there was no tommorrow. The others were all over the shop, one guy was in tears because he had fallen over so much, and the other person, a one legged skier, was already so tired she wanted to go back to the warming hut. So off they went! I was secretly happy, I had the mountain fresh and the assistant coach all to myself. We headed over to a bump run called Full House. This is a notorious leg burner, one of the longest bump runs in Kimberley, and with the overnight powder, it was expected to be quite heavy going. By the time we were at the top we were fearing that it would already be tracked out, but our hearts jumped when we only saw two fresh tracks. We had it to ourselves. We did a couple more easier runs, Notre Damme, a real long cruisy ungroomed green run and another Caper to bottom of Tamarack (one of my favourites). We were tiring pretty quickly so we went back to the front side to check on the others. By the time we got there they were ready to go and we decided to head in the direction of the far front side runs, Moe's and Boundary. Again to our surprise, these runs were hardly tracked up at all. In most places it averaged boot to knee high powder, but in wind blown spots, it was sometimes up to our hips. I found it quite difficult to ski in that much powder. I kept on getting snow in my nose and in really weird places. I now know why the snorkle is a handy powder instrument! I stacked it once and fell into so much powder it took five minutes to get enough of it off to ski onwards. There was just so much it was lunacy! At lunchtime most of the gang were dead, but I was still wanting more. I went back out and just cruised around by myself on some of the easier runs, main, rosa and dreadnaught, all on the frontside and all pretty close to each other. I got five more runs in before calling it quits. At home that night I was absolutely knackered. I sure as hell had skied the best I could have. I was happy with the way I skied in this trying conditions. All in all, I felt that all the training had paid off and I hadnt forgotten anything during my time off sick. The morning's forecast for my last ski was +8. However I was a cold Saturday morning this morning all the way up until about 2pm where the skies opened up and the sun came out. The conditions werent the best, variable in most places, a powder stash turning into hard turning into soft turning into powder again. My coach said these are the best conditions to learn in, as it is a really good test of balance. So I decided that my last skiing day in Kimberley I was going to focus on skiing in different conditions, and suiting my style to these variable conditions. We started off out back again. As it was my last day i was able to choose all the runs. I chose Caper to Easter Chair because that always seems so fresh in the morning. Sure as hell, we zoomed done it, smiles on our faces! At the top of the Easter chair I decided to take everyone down under the Easter chair to Dean's Left. Dean's Left is a picturesque run, a natural bowly halfpipe. It was perfectly groomed and on the sides powder stashes remained. One of my fondest memories is going down this run, the trees are pretty and it is fun skiing in a natural halfpipe without snowboarders! I was skiing really impressively, my style was back baby, and I was looking good! The crowds were thickening so we stuck to Tamarack, down Eureka, down Caper, past Easter, down another natural bowly halfpipe to the bottom of Tamarack. Although this run is heaps fast, you avoid all the crowds. Maximum waiting time was about two minutes whereas on Easter chair it was about fifteen. We did this four times before heading back to the main for lunch. The crowds were insane on the main. About a twenty minute to half hour wait for the chair. So we took an early lunch hoping to get back out when everyone headed in for lunch. Unfortunately there were so many people it didnt make a difference. Everyone was pretty tired and didnt want to wait around for chairs for so long that they just sat in the sun. I wasnt going to let their poor attitude spoil my last day so I took the assistant coach back out the back. We did our little cheat run another four times. I was tiring quickly knew my time was drawing to a close. On the way back to the main I got the guys to do some action shots. By the time I was at the last pitch of the main looking at home I knew my time at Kimberley was over. I was a little sad, a little disappointed at being sick and missing out on so much. Then I decided to ram it home. I finished the run and stopped for a second. How could I be disappointed? My skiing had improved a billion times. I was now a confident, stylish skier. I could go really really fast (by myself, blind as a bat) and not flinch one bit. I could ski all types of snow, all types of pitches, bumps, trees, I could even ski in total fog! A smile came over my face. I had accomplished so much since I had first arrived. The difference between me on my first run and me on my last was dramatic. I was now the skier I had always wanted to be. I was happy with the way I ski now. The smiled remained when I thought about the future. I wanted so much. I wanted to get in the Paralympics and ski for Australia. I wanted to WIN for Australia. I kept on smiling because right at that moment, I was closer to achieving that goal than I ever had been before. And although I was still so far away from achieiving it, I could see the pathway, I could see the light and I wasnt scared, I wanted it all, and I wanted it now!

The Tail End of Business

So I have three more days left. As much as this week seemed to go slow here I am suddendly with two more skiing days left. Kind of strange, seems like ages ago I first arrived.

I didnt go up yesterday or today. My head is not still 100% and I didnt want to make the mistake I did on Tuesday as I fear a repetition of that vertigo sensation.

But tommorrow and Saturday are different stories. I really want to get the most out of it as I can. I want to finish with some idea of what I have achieved. At the moment I am still a bit unsure how far I have gone. Another two days on the mountain will definitely give me an idea where I am, and where I need to go.

Skiing is a never ending process of learning. Even the best in the world need to improve. Even they can go faster, harder, turn better, get better posture.

So I guess I am not in any particular rush.

I spoke with my coach and reinterated to him my aspirations and dreams. He wasnt surprised as I had previously mentioned this to him before I came. He definitely says I am good enough to do the national disabled championships this year in Australia, so I just need to speak with my Australian coach about that. Hopefully by racing in the national championships, and more importantly, winning, I will get a foothold into the IPC World Cup races, for the northern hemisphere season 07/08.

I suppose the one thing that has changed in terms of my goals is that my immediate goal was to make the Paralympics. Although this has not really changed, a series of sub-goals will lead me there. And unless I successfully execute those sub goals, then the main goal remains unobtainable.

So for me I guess the focus is on these regional and national championships, then the world cup, then the paralympics. One at a time. My coach is confident, my guide is confident (when he isnt talking about boobs), and well I am pretty confident I guess.

In terms of life changes needed to achieve this, well I will need alot of time during the Australian winter for these competitions. I suspect that I might need to change job functions or something, so that I can get this extra time off.

It is an extraordinarily long battle for disabled atheletes to achieve these types of goals. To train you need time and money. To get money, you need time to work. The more time you spend working for money to train, the less you are able to train, and the less effective training becomes. But the less time you spend working for money to train, the less money you have to train, and again the less effective training becomes. It is a vicious circle. One that can only be overcome with support, sponsorship and patience. Alot of the fellow people I have met do not work for the simple reason is that they need the time to train. But in the process of forgoing work to train, they are missing out on alot of the things only people who can work can afford.

I guess I am extremely lucky because I have a workplace that sponsors me and has given me some time off work. I wonder what they will say when I ask them for more sponsorship money, in exchange for even more time off work! Cant hurt I guess!

Anyway, early night for my last two days. I am going to go hard. No fear.

The Tail End of Business

So I have three more days left. As much as this week seemed to go slow here I am suddendly with two more skiing days left. Kind of strange, seems like ages ago I first arrived.

I didnt go up yesterday or today. My head is not still 100% and I didnt want to make the mistake I did on Tuesday as I fear a repetition of that vertigo sensation.

But tommorrow and Saturday are different stories. I really want to get the most out of it as I can. I want to finish with some idea of what I have achieved. At the moment I am still a bit unsure how far I have gone. Another two days on the mountain will definitely give me an idea where I am, and where I need to go.

Cabin Fever

So it has been four days since I last went up for a ski because of my sickness. I said to a fellow trainer at the commencement of our course that there are only three things that would stop me from skiing (1) serious injury (2) serious hangover or (3) serious sickness. I never thought I would actually have to invoke this! So cabin fever reached its highest pitch last night. Tossing and turning. Couldnt sleep. Thoughts racing through my mind. Woke up and said to myself, "this is it, I cannot stay another day in bed or I will simply go insane". I was again mildly better, so I decided to tempt fate and go up the mountain. Put my left ski boot on my right foot and couldnt work out why it felt so weird for about ten minutes. First mistake. Should have given up then! It was minus 10 outside. Second mistake. My hands were frozen in the car ride up to the mountain. Wasnt looking promising. On the chairlift up, about two minutes into the ride (probably about a quarter of the way up) the fog hit. Third mistake. The fog was the thickest and cloudiest for Kimberley this year. It went right to the summitt too. Skied down my favourite run midnight. Couldnt see a thing. Was snowploughing, rotating, and I had slight vertigo. Couldnt work out up or down, left or right. I was basically skiing like a fool. It was lucky I got to the bottom of the mountain unscathed. Went and had a coffee. Waited for Scott my guide to show up. About half an hour later I saw him at the chairlift. No course was going to be set up today as it was too foggy so everyone was going to go on a tour of the secret spots around the mountain. I thought what a great idea. BIG MISTAKE AGAIN! Half way up the mountain when I met the fog again I realised my mistake and skied back down the main run alone following the chairlift line so I wouldnt get lost (yes it was that bad). The vertigo hit me again and I realised that I was too sick to ski. And my foot was frozen again. So I came back down and waited for lunch. After lunch I came back home for some rest and hopefully I will feel alot better tommorrow. The trials and tribulations!

Another hiccup that turns into sickness

It was Friday. The first day of speed camp. I was very excited and as I had said previously, a little nervous. We were to do the super g and downhill courses set in the proper manner, with timing gates and radar guns to check speed. In the morning I felt weird. My head was pounding like when I have a hangover, but I hadnt drunk for four days. I put it down to nerves and made it up to the mountain. The nature of the camp means that there is a lot of waiting around at the top of the course. Waiting for coaches, waiting for other people to complete the run, waiting for the ruts to be cleared when possible, wait wait wait. Although it was a pleasant day of about +1 or +2 degrees, I started wavering between being really hot and really cold. I had been waiting for about an hour and I knew something was wrong. I did my run (ok effort - a lot of fog made me a tad apprehensive) and made my way to lunch. As soon as I sat down I knew I had a cold or the flu. I ate my lunch and excused myself from the rest of the afternoon, catching a cab home. I went straight to bed and slept for three hours like a baby. When I woke up I was probably about three times worse than when I went to sleep. I knew I had a viral infection (my cough was wet) so I took a couple of antibiotics. My body was wrecked with pain, in the joints and tendons, so I took some panadol too. I was devastated. This was the penultimate part of my training and I was going to miss it due to sickness. The others would be way ahead of me in terms of experience because I knew I wouldnt be able to do the rest of the speed camp. I wanted to curl up and cry - it was such bad luck, I havent felt this sick in years, and I mean really really sick, I couldnt balance when walking, I couldnt hear anything, I had trouble breathing, I had a fever, my chest felt like someone was stabbing it each time I coughed, and my head just felt like a big lamb chop. The sickness continued Saturday day two of the speed camp. I stayed at home and slept all day. I woke to eat and go to the toilet and that is about it. Saturday night there was a big party at a local Kimberley resident's house and everyone was invited. I had to miss that too. I was in bed at 7.45pm on Saturday night and slept until 7.45 the next morning. I have never slept for so long in my life. Today is day three and the last day of speed camp. I woke up to see the biggest snowflakes ever falling. They were like big fluffy balls of cotton wool. So not only do I miss the speed camp and the big party last night, I miss the powder day today. It is still snowing chunk balls of cotton wool, there has been about 25 centimeters and forecast is for this to continue for another two days which could possibly bring us a meter of new snow. Hopefully by Tuesday I will be well enough to go back skiing. At the moment all I can do is rest and fight this bastard of a flu. I remember my religious friend once telling me, in the middle of a plane flight that felt like we were going to crash, that "everything happens for a reason". It is a comforting thought that one and something I have been focussing on the whole time I have been sick. There must be a reason why I am sick, and why I have missed out on all these great things. The reason still eludes me but could it have something to do with constantly being challenged? Is this just a test for me so I can suceed later on? Only time will tell.

For now sleep and more sleep.

Calm before the Storm

Today I did nothing but read all day and went for a walk. The walk was really soothing as I am getting a bit nervous about the speed camp. It has been quite warm and the snow is wet. It has however, snowed about 20-25 centimeters in 24 hours, much of which I must admit is probably melted by now. Was so warm on my walk I took off my beanie and jacket, just walking in my tshirt and bonds long sleeve shirt. So I guess the nerves relate to my fear of the risk associated with how fast I am going, and how little I see in front of me, and the relatively small window of opportunity for reaction. It is funny, when I drove I used to speed like a maniac, with little reflection on how dangerous this actually is. But now, on skis, when going exceptionally fast, I can really sense the danger. As I said in my last post, the fear is actually working against me, and the trick is to try and stay calm and relaxed. That is totally counterintuitive, what your body requires versus what your body actually does. This is the key to great skiing, letting the ebbs and ruts mean nothing, and letting your legs make like jelly. On a different note I have been told by the IPC (International Paralympic Committee) that because I didnt register for 2006-2007 racing back in October 2006 I am not eligible to race in Thredbo for the regional championships in August this year. I, amongst everyone here, have not taken this well, and we are working on a logical argument that goes along the lines of "ben didnt knew he qualified until after the cut off date, so there was no reasonable way in which he could have applied for eligibility". All a bunch of red tape. Personally I am not worried, but just a little fed up at stupid assholes sitting in an office deciding a person's life with no real reason other than "it is the rules". Stuff the rules. If I followed the rules all the time I wouldnt be me. I am really looking forward to this battle. And even if I dont win, it doesnt matter, there is always next year, more time to practice for when I do kick ass! Well I better go and get some rest for tommorrows speed camp. I will lie in bed thinking of that woooshing sound, the blurry sight, and that wind resistance that I sense when doing the downhill.

Speed Training Camp

This weekend is the speed training camp. The downhill course (FIS approved) is set up for Saturday and Sunday. Super G is set up tommorrow and Friday. Basically the course is a proper racing track run as done in the Olympics or Paralympic Games, complete with jumps, sections of extra fast straightlining, and flags for big carving turns. Today our coach took us up and without setting the course, showed us how the course will be set. We followed him down each section and he pointed out what needed to be done where. Like for example in one section it is quite flat, so speed is needed from the previous downhill section and one is to tuck turn through these sections. In other sections, our coach showed us where to come out of the tuck and do an "open tuck" where the arms are slightly outwards but the body maintains its aerodynamics. An open tuck is done to maintain balance in slightly pitched sections. We had a couple of free runs where my coach guided me. At first I was quite tentative, not picking up speed where I should have and a little apprehensive of the speed at which I was going. However by the third run I was gunning it. At every flat bit I tucked turned to build speed, at every straight bit I tucked as low as possible, and at every turn I had exceptional pressure on my downhill ski while it edged so I could build speed. I timed myself in my head and I reckon I did it in just on two minutes. During the world cup the atheletes were doing super G (a shorter course) in one minute thirty. So I think I am right on the money here. Can wait for the camp. Coaches and students from around the area are coming. Some of the best coaches in BC and Alberta province will be around to give tuition, guide and help build our skills, and more specifically build our speed. I must admit at one point in the afternoon I was a little scared. I was using the assistant coach's 190 centimeter race skis (pretty much the fastest ski I have ever ridden) and picked up more speed than I have ever skied before. Things were getting a little blurry, and I couldnt hear anything but the resistance of the air against my body. I just knew if I made one little wrong movement I would be dead meat. Instead of fretting about it I took my coach's advice and just relaxed. Not only did relaxing help my legs adjust to the contours of the race course itself as I went madly down and up pitches and jumps, I actually went a little faster..So confidence and attitude is actually what makes the difference. It is counter-intuitive, your body wants to tense up and slow down, I actually learnt the most important thing today, tensing up is the biggest risk a skier can make. Its all about chillin out and bustin a sweet relaxed move! Finished the day off gunning Midnight, my favourite run. Was told to slow down! Gotta go and recover now for the camp. So excited!

Free Skiing and Photo time

Yesterday was another free ski - I took the opportunity to take heaps of photos which I will post here as soon as I work out how to. Only two runs of tuition. Just a little carving practice which at first I was terrible but it just clicked again after a while. The mountain is great for just cruising around and practising. I worked on my carving mainly, but also did a spot of moguls when the sun came out. Not really focussed without my guide and coach so it is hard to maintain a vision of what I want to achieve without someone else pushing me on - I simply just enjoyed skiing for what it is. Now a little thought. I was on the chairlift when it occurred to me how much influence Australia has in this small town. Our coach, local Kimberley born and bred Steve Bova, was the Australian national coach for Torino and Salt Lake. Australian taxpayers footed the bill for his house, his three cars, his trips to Australia and to the Paralympics for him and his family. Right now Steve employs three staff, Graham the assistant coach, Scott my guide and Paul who is Belinda's guide. Steve's training camp consists of seven Aussies over the season and one Canadian and two Pommies. He also trains other people but they dont stay at the house. So we Aussies staying here pay for Steve and his family, Scott and his wife and baby, Paul and his wife all their wages. Not only that but we contribute to the local economy each time we go shopping, or have a beer, or pay for season passes. So the effect of us Australians on the local economy is not insignificant. I was on the chairlift thinking, geez Australians are a real microeconomic influence on Kimberley. It was, I guess, no surprise that I then met Ook at the bar at the end of the day. Ook is an Eskimo from Lapland or something like that. He is now a Kimberley local and hangs out at the mountain bar doing some serious drinking as he has an injured ACL or hip or something. Anyway we got chatting and it turns out he works for a mining company as an instrumentalist. He was telling me stories about how they fly him here to fix one machine, and then to the other side of Canada to fix another machine, then to Finland to do some training, then down to Papua New Guinea to do something else. I was fascinated by Ook and asked him the name of the company as he mentioned they were global. It was none other than BHP, good old Broken Hill Propriety Limited! So not only do we Aussies hold up the skiing side of things, but we also employ locals to work! I was thinking without Australia, Kimberley would be virtually dead broke! So it made me feel a little bit more at home. Distance aside, Australia really didnt feel that far away. There is a little bit of Aussie in everything I look at here, Steve's outdoor hottub, the diamonds on sale at the town Jeweller, the Alexander Keats Pale Ale that my assistant coach has in his hand at the end of each day - it is all a part of Australia in some weird economic way or other. Today was a day off. Done to Cranbrook to pick up a few things. Nothing exciting happened at all. Plan to read, do a little stretching and recover, recover, recover. Tommorrow a little ski to warm up for half a day. Wednesday full days training and Thursday another day off. Friday, Saturday and Sunday is the speed camp which I am looking forward to. Super G and downhill course is set up with timers and speed cameas. I want to smash the course.

Big Holes, More Snow And Fluid Skiing

Another normal day.

My guide is still away so I stuck with the rest of the group. In the morning we focussed on jump turning. This is where the majority of the turn is done in the air in a jump like motion. The jump turn is used in bumpy or mogul like runs. I picked it up pretty quick as I had previously felt the "popping" sensation that occurs from holding an edge into a turn and releasing the edge to transition into the next turn. One drill was where we did not actually ski any of the run, but simply jumped (on our skis) from left to right all the way down the run. Not only is this physically exhausting it is a great way to warm up. And at -8 degrees with poor visibility and snow flurries warming up is pretty much the only thing one can think about.

After lunch we applied the jump turning to mogul runs (we were previously doing it on groomed tracks). The visibility was poor to begin with, and a part of mogul skiing is turning at the top of each bump. I couldnt see anything but white snow, no undulations, no up or down, nothing but plain white. This obviously posed a problem and I told coach such. But as I did so a smile went across his face. Feeling pissed off because I felt like he was wasting my time I heard him say turn around. Sure enough when I did, I noticed that the clouds were gone and the sun had come out. I could now see every single bump! I ended up ripping the double black diamond (hardest) run up big time. For the first time in my life, I really enjoyed skiing moguls.

On the way to the mogul course our coach decided to take me tree skiing. Not the best idea for the blind, and indeed I was a little apprehensive at first, remembering my brother telling me not to do it, but nonetheless I trusted my coach. We ended up blasting this tree run. The trees were really far apart so it wasnt a big deal but still that is something I wouldnt normally do. My trust for my coach grew and without being cocky, I felt a little bit more confident.

We headed back to the trail that takes you to the base of the chairlift that takes you back to the main run. This trail is in the shadows, and because I cannot see the edges of the trail (it is predominately flat) I usually follow someone. But everyone flew off in front of me and the person taking the rear didnt see me ski into this massive huge hole. I mean it was huge, a six foot drop into another four foot of powder. No one could see me from the trail and I thought I was a goner. I was able to take off my skis but wondered how I was going to get out. I realised that behind me the snow sloped upwards. I kind of had to climb it without applying pressure, because if I did, all the snow would collapse back into the gaping big hole. I mean the hole was so big I thought a grizzly bear might be there, I was freakin out big time! I didnt want to be eaten alive! I was able to get half way up the hole and started waving my ski around. Luckily someone skiing this secluded trail saw my ski. She was able to take my skis and poles and haul me up with her pole. We both looked back down at the hole and realised it was a major risk hazard. I took a branch from a nearby tree and made a cross to indicate to the public not to go there. When I finally made it to the chairlift my skiing buddies had also freaked out and a lifty was about to get a snow mobile to rescue me. Anyway I told the lifty about the hole and the cross I put above it and he promised to put a barrier there for the general public.

So luckily I wasnt hurt or injured. To celebrate, I went off a jump back on the main run and landed awkwardly on my hand. Didnt notice till a couple of hours later how swollen it is. Not that bad but funny how the things you worry about are really nothing, but the things you dont are actually the ones that affect you.

Tonight is the local ice hockey game. A sleep in tommorrow to 10am (it is Sunday!) and freeskiing all day! Woohoo! Bumps for me!

Sun is Shining, Kicking On

Today was one of those days one repeatedly thanks the gods for being alive. The sun was out at full force, the snow was crisp but still powdery, the skiing was fluid, dynamic and like poetry in motion (if I do say so myself).

Woke up to clear skies and a brisk temp of minus twenty. I didnt really feel this as it was a sunny day. I was hankering to make some improvements and by 9.30 had done three runs (chairlift dudes let me go up before the official opening time!).

My guide Scott is away with the local rugrats at a race meet in Red Mountain. So it was pretty much a free skiing day. Instead of a guide, I simply followed the other people in our group. For one or two runs I got a few pointers from our assistant coach Graham, and instead of getting tuition all day I decided to focus on simple techniques such as pole planting correctly and a wider stance.

Since my mental battle was won, and I was in a better frame of mind to improve, I really noticed the fluidity in my movement and a sweet style developing from keeping my arms out in front. Although this at first is anything but steezy (cheesy style), once the motion is perfected it really looks great. It is funny when you know you look good skiing, but part of me is a bit peed off at being so fixated on appearance. All in all I believe a good style will in turn develop into good techniques through a build up in confidence which allows you to attempt different approaches.

In the afternoon three of us tried this run called Magma. It is the steepest run in Kimberley, a black diamond, usually ungroomed, but with no bumps or moguls. The run isnt usually groomed because it is so steep it takes two grooming machines to complete the run. One tows or winches the other grooming machine from the top of the run because it is so steep they are prone to slipping. And these grooming machines are a quarter of a million dollars each so to groom this run is a rare occurence.

The run was absolutely phenomenal. The pitch is so steep that if you fall, you slide right to the bottom of the run as it is impossible to slow down. Luckily I didnt fall. I really nailed this run, my body faced downhill the whole run, I leaned downhill and wasnt wimpish enough to lean back into the mountain (which is a normal instinctual response for the body as you are going so fast). I didnt realise that I had passed the others and was waiting for them at the bottom of the run. It took them five minutes or so to finish. I had done it in about thirty seconds. They were all over the shop, leaning into the mountain, rotating their bodies to move the skis (a big no no) and skidding their skis instead of parrallel turning.

My confidence really grew after that run but I decided not to tempt fate anymore that day and stuck to the main run to practice high speed quick turns. Low and behold success! I really nailed the main run. At the bar at the end of the day the locals were really impressed, they had seen me from the chairlift that goes right over the main run. That for me is the biggest compliment.

Actually I lied. I did tempt fate one more time. I went into the jump park. There are a series of jumps, small, medium and large. I decided to give the small jump a shot. Thinking it was not going to give me much air (it is a small jump afterall) I picked up alot of speed coming off the launch. I flew about fifteen feet long and about five to seven feet high. I slammed down onto the landing with such a shock I thought I was deadmeat. But I just kept on going. I skidded to a stop and the snowboarders hanging around went "whoa man that was sick, and you're the blind dude arent you?". I just smiled and skied off. That too was highly satisfying although I cant stand those snowboarding punks.

Anyways a successful day after a few bad ones. Progress on track. Keep on improving and the world is mine!

Mindgames with yourself

I never really prepared myself for the mindgames of training and trying to succeed. I didnt go into this willy nilly but at the same time i underestimated the pyschological impact.

And although today I won the mindgame that swallowed me up and spat me out yesterday, I didnt feel like I had improved or gained anything worthwhile technically.

At each turn I tried harder. Even at the depths of my despair in not being able to improve I still gave it a shot. And I guess, in the end, maybe I did improve, if only mentally, because I feel like I am in the right frame of mind to do such.

Today was about minus 18 on top of the mountain. We did some balance drills to start of with, skiing without poles with hands on head (weirdest), hands on hips (my favourite because I was aware of my upper body rotation), hands behind back (hardest) and hands in air (most awkward). Another balance drill we did is called parrallel traversing. This is where you face down the mountain, but with your skis parrallel facing slightly up the mountain (i.e. totally separating the upper and lower body). This took two runs to perfect but apparently will do wonders to my counter-rotation ability.

During this whole time there were slight snow showers. About 11am it started to bucket down with big fat dry flakes. This continued for about forty five minutes. We had some lunch and as we came out the sun to decided to join us. With the clouds gone and about ten centimetres of fresh dry powder I was in heaven. This was my favourite type of snow to ski on. The sun was out and I could see all the undulations, tracks and bumps.

The slalom course was set up and I gave it another shot. I went terribly. The course was already tracked out and the powder had been pushed to the sides. This meant skiing on ice, virtually. I was sliding all over the place, unable to get a proper edge. And because the slalom course is extra fast turning, by the time I did get an edge I was already behind in making my turn for the next gate.

This went on for about three runs. On my last run I decided to do a different approach. Instead of going quite wide of the gates (I was then following my guide) I decided to go no more than five centimetres past each gate. This ended up being a successful tactic until I was going so fast I missed two gates! In a real race I would have been immediately disqualified. But all in all I am happy with my progress with gates overall.

The main thing for me is technique. My guide is gone for a week so I am training with the assistatnt coach Mr David (Graham) Hasselhoff. I am looking forward to this as Graham is alot more techo than my guide Scott, who is more relaxed and cant stop talking about boobies. Not that I mind, but sometimes I need to focus!

So technique technique technique!

Super G course tommorrow and I am borrowing some GS skis (been on slaloms the whole time) so I am really looking forward to that. More speed and a bigger turning radius is something I really need to do to change my mental perspective. Who knows it might give me a new lease on my technique.

Anyway cheers to winning the mental battle and here comes the technical one.

Signing off for today.....

Frustration

I suppose at every point in an effort to achieve a goal there is going to be consternations and frustrations. Today was no exception. Started great. It was snowing and a good layer of fluff about five to ten centimeters cushioned the slopes. Although it reached minus nineteen degrees I wasnt that cold and was out for a total of six hours. My guide Scott took me down some nice steep pitched runs under the Tamarack chair. I love these runs, great views (although I dont have much time to look) and great for balance as well as going fast with short turns. Trouble started when I could not make the top of my body face downhill during (long) turning. I spent all last week perfecting this, for both long and short turns, in variable conditions including anomolous bumps, but could not for the life of me get it together today. And of course the more it happened the more I got frustrated and the less able I was to extricate myself from this position. It really is a mindgame and today I lost out to the freak that is no confidence, rigidity, and no fluidity. It may have been the cold. It may have been the beef jerky snacks I am religiously eating, hell it may have been my skis, but today I really fell back a step. Part of the mindgame is obviously getting over these inconsistencies. Tommorrow I am trying a new approach. Every time this happens I am going to stop, get out of my skis, look around and try and appreciate my time and place. I know I will get over it and I know I will progress in due course, but today was evil. I call it the reverse hump day (It is wednesday here). Anyway after lunch the giant slalom course was set up. I had a go and for the first few runs I was going pretty good. I mean the bad habits were still there, but I was going dam fast. A couple of times I had to call out to my guide to hurry up (I follow him). One time I yelled out "move on chump' but he didnt hear me and he stopped. Narrowly missing him I slammed into the padding of a chairlift pole. It didnt hurt and I was laughing hysterically. Scott blamed it on my misuse of commands and I blamed it on his bad hearing (all in jest). I told him to start swimming in the slow lane. The very last run of the day was another shocker. So tonight I am going to unwind, listen to music and read a bit, try and redirect my focus towards improvement and not so much on emotions. Anyway fingers crossed my pyschological approach to being in the right state of mind and lets hope this flows onto actual improvement!

My first day off training

Seven days skiing in a row after a six month absence is a testing time for anyone's body. My feet are tough as hell from the hours of numbness in my super stiff racing boot and cold from the sub -10 average temperatures. My ankles and knees are quickly aging from the incessant pressure involved with high speed turning. Physics doesnt do justice to your body. My calves, hamstrings and quadriceps are slowly bulking up - which is good, but relentlessly painful every night when I return home. Even my shoulders and biceps are getting a good work out from "disciplined" pole planting. Mathematically I am supposed to remember all turns throughout the day. Of the average of ten runs a day, I am doing about 50 long carve turns a run and about 100 -200 short turns. This equates to roughly 700 turns a day (assuming 2 x 150 short turn runs and 8 x 50 long carves runs). This really doesnt include drills or practice runs, where we might be practicing to ski on one leg fully crouched or say a mixture of long and short turns. But 700 to 800 turns a day sounds about right. Imagine hopping on one foot for five jumps. This for me is roughly the same amount of exertion and pressure applied for one long carve turn. This might make short turns seem less strenuous, but alas it is not the case, since the force or pressure used in one run of high speed short turning is as strenuous as at least four runs of high speed long or carve turning. But for the sake of simplicity lets make the exertion of short and long turning equal, remembering that one long turn for me is like five hops or jumps on one leg. By this logic imagine hopping or jumping on one leg 3750 times a day (750 turns a day x 5 jumps or hops on one leg being the same pressure used in every turn). Now for me 3750 hops a day is not only strenuous, it is an absurd amount of exercise. And I smile the whole time, especially at the end of the day. So it comes as no surprise that I am equally happy with a day off training. It hasnt snow for about five days and although the cover is still excellent I imagine it would have been quite hard this morning. I woke up at about 8.30am, had some cereal, chewed the fat with my coach re buying some skis and watched the x games on telly till 11am. We then all went into town to do some shopping. At luchtime we met in the local sandwich shop for a soup and toasted ham and cheese sandwich with fries and coffee. Halfway through lunch it started snowing again. Not heavily, but the flakes were dry and fat, just the way I like it. I like being out when it is snowing so instead of getting a lift back to the house I decided to walk the three or four kilometers on the icy sidewalk. It was really peaceful and serene as the walk takes me through a little park and down some quiet side streets. I got home about half an hour later, taking my time and watched some more x games. When the others arrived back home we decided to go ice skating at the local rink over the road from home. None of the skates really fitted me well so after two circles of the rink I gave up. It was also starting to snow heavily, but a little wetter and smaller flakes. I jumped on the couch with some tea, read some of my book and had an afternoon sleep. Tommorrow is another day off but the cleaners are coming to the house so we all need to be out between 10am and 2pm. I dont know what to do but we are thinking of going to the movies in Cranbrook, about a 20 minute drive away. I am thinking I might just catch a cab up to the mountain so I dont miss this powder day. It is still snowing and by my estimates we will have about 50-75 cms of fresh. I dont want to miss the opportunity of skiing in that as powder skiing is a great test of balance as well as a hell of alot of fun. But with no guide this is looking unlikely. So one an a half weeks into my trip and things looking good. Incidentally my last run yesterday was unreal. My short turning has improved greatly both in style and technicality. I finally feel like an alright skier. Until that moment, I always felt inferior to the general skiing population, generally trying to avoid skiing under chairlifts because I lacked style and a sense of confidence. By my last run I was trying to ski right next to the chairlift, full of confidence that my style was visually pleasing. It is a great feeling.

Typical Day

today was pretty typical, so I will let you know what it was like. Wake up at 7.00am. It is still pitch black. Usually the girls knock on our door to wake us but the wheelies (guys in wheelchairs) will wake us a couple of minutes later wheeling around the kitchen which makes a sound not to dissimilar to a turbo prop plane taking off. The bathroom is a shyte fight. I share with two girls and a boy. The boys take less than five minutes combined but for some reason we are always waiting for the girls. What the hell do they do in there? Breakfast is usually 7.30am. Continental style ceral and toast and fruit. Leaves me wanting sometimes so i often get something on the slopes like a breakfast burrito or a breakfast pizza. We start to get changed around 8am, this takes me less than two minutes but yet again the girls seem to take hours. Our assistant coach Graham, aka the hoff, arrives about 8.20am and warms up the van. The four wheelies, the two blinkers (blind peeps) and the cerebal palsy dude take about ten minutes to get all our ski gear in the van. We take turns helping the wheelies into the van as they need to get their wheelchair real close and kind of hop into the van. We then pack the wheelchairs into the back of the van. By 8.30 hopefully we are off. The drive to the slopes is my second favourite time of the day. The music is cranked up (usually trash - but still brings a smile to my face_. Our direct route gives us a great view of the mountain as we live on a hill with a valley between us and the mountain. The route takes us through downtown Kimberley, all eight streets. We take a right up the mountain drive and often see wildlife like longhorn sheep or buck (deer). I like seeing the animals, always give me a sense of place and being. The route takes about five minutes maximum. When there are more than two cars in front or behind us the locals call it a traffic jam. We arrive at the mountain and being all disabled get dropped off about ten meters from the main quad chairlift. Another ten minutes is spent getting the wheelies out of the car (we again take turns) as well as all our skiing gear (including the wheelie's buckets, which are quite big_. The blinkers, the one legged and the cerebal palsys often are the first in the queue. I have had the first chairlift twice and only been here a week. This is obviously my most favourite part of the day. Even today, a Saturday, I was the seventh chairlift up. Most mornings we make first tracks on our favourite groomed run called Midnight. We all love it because it has a gradual rolling pitch where everybody is confident enough to go fast. The only exception to this rule is the powder day, where we veer skiers right onto the boundary run, where the best powder runs are found. By the time we are at the bottom of the first run the wheelies are ready to go and all the coaches and trainers have arrived. We all go up and break up into groups. The wheelies, the blinkers with each of their guides, and the one leggeds and cerebal palsys. We ski in our respective groups until lunchtime at 12 midday. A homemade lunch is provided by Tegan, the head coach's wife. We take it in a little warming hut at the bottom of the mountain. Usually it is a ham and cheese roll, or egg and lettuce roll with a hearty soup. Cordial, Muffins, cookies (woops I mean biscuits) and fruit are also provided. I also like to finish lunch with a coffee. Albeit a dodgy Starbucks one which seems to be the closest thing here that resembles the real stuff. About quarter to one we all go up and free ski for a run to warm up again. At quarter past one we again meet for the afternoon session. Breaking up into the previous groups we do drills, routines and practice, practice, practice. Sometimes the race course is set up and we get some practice (today for example I got my first untimed shot at Giant Slalom - which I was comfortable with). The afternoon session finishes at 3pm (good for me as the sun starts to go down behind the mountain). We can freeski, practice drills or just warm up in the pub. Today for example I did two more runs after 3pm practising my carving technique with proper up and down movement. Incidentally, I really got the hang of this and for the first time I experienced the "popping" sensation (where most of the turn is done in the air) when doing extra steep moguls. At around 3.30pm most of us can be found in the pub drinking warm drinks, or in mine and the wheelies case, beer. We also love to get their waffle fries, full of extra good fatty grease. At 4pm we usually pack up and head, again loading up the van with skies, buckets, wheelchairs and ourselves. We often stop at the grocery store or the ski shop on the way back just to pick up a few things. By 4.30pm we are usually always home, unloading the car, chucking snowballs, watching the ice hockey players across the road, or just unwinding. I always help unload the car so I can be the first in the showers. By being first in the showers I can also be the first on the internet (like now!). It is freetime until about 6.15 when dinner is served. Dinner is also a favourite time of the day not so much because I am so hungry I could eat a dog a cat and a horse but because we all gather around and talk about the day and joke and fool around. After clearing up and helping Tegan with the dishes, I often do some stretching in front of the TV while the others watch a movie, use the internet, read a book or tune skis. By nine I am always thinking about sleep. By ten thirty I am always asleep. So this has been my life for the last week and will be for the next three. I can honestly say it is without a doubt an eye opener. In saying that I am also 100% committed to the cause and I love my life here. I do miss my fiancee exceptionally and that for me is the only thing that is really missing. So there you have it.

Australia Day in the Canadian Rockies

So I did my thing, ate vegemite toast for breakky, sang stoopid Australian songs on the way to the slopes, went hard until lunch, then had a couple of wobbly pops with the Australian disabled skiing team in the afternoon sun. Very groggy but happy. Skied in the morning with Shannon Dallas and Scott my guide. Shannon is an awesome skier, I had to keep pinching myself to believe I was skiing with two of the best disabled skiers from Australia. Shannon and Scott both agreed it would be a shame if I didnt try and race. Didnt really concentrate on anything but going fast and stability and being a good Aussie. Spoke with Steve Graham at the end of the day who wants me to do some regionals in Australia during our season. Hopefully I can get some points for World Cup qualification. Very tired today after the liquid lunch. Left calf muscle is cramping up. Trying to stretch it out but it seems to make it worse. Tommorrow another day. Tommorrow I will post the details of a typical day of training. It will probably give you a better insight into the extent to which the disabled skiers go to get onto the slopes, nothing short of amazing. World Cup finished today. No more medals for Australia. The team goes back to Vail for another weeks training. Hopefully next year I might be in that team. caio

Two Perfect Bluebird Days and the Diasbled World Cup

The sun has come out in all its glory for the last two days. It has been about 2 or 3 degrees, and hot work! I had no gloves on and air vents open today. Blerdy helmet is too hot. Even the googles were annoying, definitely taking the tom cruise sunnies tommorrow ala top gun. The snow is great in the morning, grippy as hell, and powder stashes still on the edges of the groomed tracks. Only on the last two runs it gets a bit choppy. Slushy yesterday in places at the end of the day but still holding up exceptionally well today. Downtown Kimberley is a different story. Looks like a dirt, mud and slippery ice bomb has been dropped all over the city. I have been focussing on either synch carving or following Scott's tracks. Today we threw in some quick turning drills and I had it good by the end of the first run. Because I am progressing quite quickly we slowed it down a bit and watched the Disabled World Cup for an hour or so in the arvo. It was giant slalom, two runs each competitor, with both times added up for a total. Toby got fourth in the stand up and Shannon crashed so no medals for Australia today. Tommorrow is slalom which will be interesting. There is no downhill this year (at least in this part of North America). After the races were finished we pushed it up a notch in terms of speed and types of turning. Because I am following Scott about five to ten meters behind, I have to anticipate every move of his. Some turns were long and gradual, then he would chuck in three or four quick turns ending in another long carve. My main problem at this stage is edging on both the downhill AND uphill ski as well as the degree to which I edge. Sometimes I am a little lazy and only half edge, other times I fully edge, but only on my downhill ski. The great thing I picked up today is the transition between turning, and the movement down to up and vice versa whilst simultaneously changing the center of weight from each downhill ski (according to my turn left to right and vice versa). I really feel alot more confident and can pick up heaps more speed during this transition, where previously transitioning was slowing me down. It was a weird feeling when it clicked, like a light bulb went off in my head. In addition my counter rotating naturally got better, and I started to naturally face the bottom of the hill instead of my upper body leaning slightly uphill. By the end of the day I wanted more and more, but all the others were waiting for me to get into the car...I cant wait for tommorrow to tweak my new found confidence. Along with these improvements I am learning to ski with a guide alot better. I dont look at anything but Scott's movements. Previously I was in awe of my surrounds and couldnt stop looking at the mountains and the view, now it is heads down bum up and nothing else in my mind other than replicating what my guide is doing. At one point Scott accidently skidded on some ice and I was so focussed on replicating his moves that I started skidding too. We both ended up in a powder stash laughing our heads off. I had words with him! I am really starting to consider my future now. I need to ski regional races to get into the World Cup races. I need to suceed in World Cup racing to have a chance at the Paralympics. There are a couple of races in Thredbo this year (snow permitting!), so my next step is to try and get into them. Then for the northern hemisphere season 07/08 I might have earnt enough points to be eligible to race in the Disabled World Cup. This would almost a full time occupation, so I wouldnt be able to work and I would need massive sponsorship dollars. Is it worth it? Of course it farken is worth it! If I dont do it now I will be kicking myself forever for being such a wimp. One word of advice. If you are ever in Kimberley, never and I mean never, eat at the Golden Inn Chinese Restaurant. I have seen rubber tyres and tennis balls more edible than the food they cooked. Came home and made toasted cheese sandwiches! Another word of advice. Kimberley is the safest place in the world. Left my wallet with $150 dollars in the pub and realised at the top of the chairlift. I panicked and straightlined all the way down the mountain (did it in about two minutes). It was still there with all the money intact. Happy Ostraya Day Everyone. Wish I had a Coopers Pale Ale and some vegemite. Drink and eat some for me.

Picking it up and the legend that is Scott Adams

today was THE best! It just keeps on getting better. 120 cms of fresh in two days. This morning was on the third chair up. My guide took me to the boundary where we made fresh tracks. This was my first time ever. Knee to waist high. Was very challenging at first, didnt know how to do it. By the end of the first run I was turning pretty well. Next on the agenda was some synch training for racing.This is where I follow my guide as close as possible replicating every single one of his moves. Scott is a champion skier and by lunchtime we had a good rythm. After lunch we synched twice more, and then started some carving drills. This was for the super g and downhill races where turning is more gradual and slower but the pace is at top speed. I wasnt bending my knees and simultaneously counter rotating at the beginning, but by the second run my tracks were perfectly rounded and my stance exactly right. We finished the day off synch carving which was the highlight after the powder. At one point Scott said lets go as hard as we can and I was on his tail the whole way! I even shouted at him to hurry up! He mentioned that if I try hard enough, the sky is the limit for me! How good is that? So for now it is heads down bums up hardcore training. Hopefully I can do a couple of regional comps so I can get enough WorldCup points. Once I have proven myself in the world cup then I am sure to make the australian team. Its funny because everyone rates the world cup over the paralympics, but I just want to ski the paralympics for some reason. The australian team is here with their head coach Steve Graham for the Kimberley Disabled World Cup which starts tommorrow.Super G is the first race. Cant wait! Met some blind B1 and B2 Italians today, but they didnt speak much English. Once again the sit down skiers blew me away, they go so fast I sometimes have to pinch myself to believe what I am seeing. For now its dinner, a little tuning on some GS's I have been lent, and an early night. Woohoooo! Having the time of my life.....

A Day with a Paralympic Gold Medallist and Powder

So today was broken up into two parts. In the morning we woke up late (as in the sun was just about to rise, 8.30am) and had breakky . We then moved into the garage where we learnt ski tuning 101. This was really cool as I had no idea on how to take care of skis and never gave a thought to how involved it is. To think that all the rental skis I have hired were taken care of as good as it should have been is now a head shaker. Firstly it was about smoothing the burrs out of the edge of the skis. This was done with a number of different tools but they were all either stones or files Then we learnt how to file an edge (we used a 88 degree but racers generally do 87). Once the edge is sharpened a diamond stone file is used to finish it off. Then it was off to waxing 101. We learnt how to scrape off the old wax, heat the iron and then apply wax onto the skis using the iron. Finally the iron is used to smooth the wax onto the ski. I never understood how involved the process is, even though done properly it takes less than twenty minutes. After lunch it was off for a ski! It had been snowing consistently for about 16 hours straight. It was a small, light snow with a little moisture, so it was at times sticky. The road to the mountain was full of snow, over ten feet where the road clearing machines pushed the excess. I hooked up with my guide, Scott Adams, Kimberley resident but an Aussie Paralympic Medallist. He took me right around the mountain and showed me the best runs. The fall lines are amazing. Really steep in places and in windswept corners the powder averaged 60 centimeters in places. It was real leg burning material. We focussed on synchronised skiing. This is for racing purposes.My upper body problems are resolved but I am now skiing with a wider stance and it is weird especially on the steeps. Scott was doing his fair share of head shaking but for me the problems were the conditions. I am not used to powder skiing and was in a way missing the harder, more granulated man made snow of Australia! This will have to change! The Paralympic World Cup starts on Wednesday in Kimberley and I am especially pysched to see the best in the world. Hopefully I will meet some more people in my division and have a ski with them to determine how good (or bad!) I am. Whatever the case I am happy where I am now, I want to improve, and nothing is going to stop me! We finsihed the day off with beer and waffle fries (fries in the shape of waffles!) and a bit of ice skidding in the van. Tommorrow is a full day's training, 8am up on the mountain (in pitch black) for a couple of hours, lunch and recovery, then another couple of hours more training in the arvo. No muckin around here! Photos to come wednesday night (about midday thursday sydney time). Will have some photos of the best paralympic skiers in the world! signing off benski

Arrival and First Turns

Arrived at Kimberley after an extraordinary long flight. Saw Mammoth Mnt on the way up from the air, was very cool. Anyways, the group of peeps here are really cool. Four sit downs (two quadra and two paras), three blind and one autistic/something else I have forgotten the name of. Its funny I thought everyone would be straight arses, but it is beers and smokes all round! The guys and girls are alot of fun, the assistant coach, we have nicknamed the hoff because of his hair is also a great bloke. Canadians are a funny lot, really friendly, country like peeps. The first day was unbelievable. Minus 10 to 12 all day, overcast with a few pokes of the sun here and there. The snow was fresh but not soft, quite hard in places and fast! Man I have never skied so fast in my life! Nicole, a fourteen year old B3 (better vision than me) rips it up hard core. I cant wait for her to have a ski with my brother in Australia, she would kick his arse! The coach was pretty laid back. We concentrated on basics.I havent really been crouching my turns well and I also was a bit stiff and tense in the upper body, which is now relaxed but still, the way it should be. By the end of the day I was really getting the hang of a new style, crouching into and out of the turns, but not really fast, more gradually and relaxed. I feel like my style is finally developing. Kimberley mountain is funny. No one uses the safety bar on the chairlifts! There are also alot of hardcore ski bums, not wannabe ski bums but real fair dinkum ones. The front of the mountain is really cruisy. We did the race course on the last run and it was beyond any doubt the best run of my life. Really steep and plenty of places to just fly. We didnt do the back of the mountain but I will update when I do. Finally the sit down guys blew me away. They are the most hard core awesome guys I have ever skied with. Its not like skiing as I know it, it is completely different. The sit in a "bucket" strapped in and have anchors or pivots for each arm for balance. When they fall over its not so simple to getback up. It takes about five minutes of pushing and heaving. The fact that these guys are out there and enjoying themselves is thebest. It makes me so happy. I feel so inferior to the sitdown guys. Now they are the real skiers. Anyways will update more soon. Sharing this computer with four other peeps and I dont want to hog it. I promise to update every day though. Taking my camera on Wednesday. This is possibly the bestest time in my life (apart from being with my my +1 fleur!!!!...points for me a la Ian D's linear theory of women!).

Hope everyone is warm down under. Major brass monkey syndrome here.

:-)

D-day: Farewell Sydney

Geez I am a bad flyer. I am tense and cannot sleep. I watch a movie, read a book, play some games but at no point can I relax. Hopefully I can get an upgrade, that would certainly help. Qantas say that the flight isnt anywhere near full, hopefully I might score the middle four seats so I can stretch out.

Its funny when flying to Europe from Australia it is like flying back in time. We follow the routes our ancestors took to get here. When flying to America or Canada it is completely different. It is like flying into the future. Maybe that is why I am so apprehensive, I dont know what the future holds and I need to make the path mine.

The last few days have been like a dream. Work was really supportive, got lots of goodies and all my team bid me a fond farewell. I am appreciative of my co-workers, they are a top bunch of people and in my work environment, that is very rare.

My fiancee Fluff has been great too. I thought that she would be panicky or a bit upset. But no. She is a pillar of strength! I cant believe how lucky I am sometimes, and I cant believe all the times before I met her where I thought I would never meet someone I would love as much as I love her. In fact I cant wait to get back and marry her. If only society wasnt so focussed on money, I would have married her already.

As for me the nerves are building. The apprehension is growing. The excitment is reaching a crescendo. Will I get disappointed? Will I succeed in my quest to make the Australian Paralympic Skiing team? Only faith in doing what I believe is correct will guide me. Only time will tell.

Well it is time to double check everything, get a bite to eat, spend my last few moments in Sydney with my loved one and then the journey begins. Fingers crossed!

(Oh and my toe is now ok! Still a little sore but should be no worries! Phew!)

what have I done?

saturday night before the big trip. spent all day organising as i wont have time next week with work. anyway today was helping fluff unload the car and bang smash, hit my toe on the corner of the new couch, right on the hard bit. My middle toe is now bright blue. It looks broken. I can move it but it just looks so wrong. The toe doesnt hurt so much as my feelings. I am devastated. Although it could be alright by next week in time for training I can tell it will be tough. I will have to rest it for a couple of days and this is when I wanted to be training my hardest.

I often have lots of accidents because of my disabilities. Before this toe incident, on Christmas day, I decided to take the two dogs for an afternoon walk. We were minding our friends boston terrier pup, a very small dog as well as our staffy. I got to the park after a bit of an ramble and it was pretty late and I decided to take the dogs back home. But before i could even turn around the little dog was off. I dont know how it happened but I just lost control of the leash and he was gone. Although at that point in time it was still relatively light and I could see, my night blindedness was starting to kick in and I was already seeing dark patches. I tried to grab the leash but the dog kept on running around in circles. For five minutes I chased it around in circles, the whole time with my giant staffy on the other leash on my other hand. After a while I knew I had to change tactic. It just wasnt working, the dog has lost the plot. I tied up the staffy and by then it was nearly dark. I got on my hands and knees and tried to approach the littledog calling its name repeatedly. The dog wouldnt stop running. It was frightened and didnt trust me. By this time it was completely dark. I couldnt see a thing. I was in the middle of the park, no one was around, it was Christmas night, a little dog kept running away from me and I was blind as a bat and then only reason I knew it was still there was because I could hear it yapping at about ten feet away.

I was really panicking. This was my fiancee's best friends new puppy and I had haphazardly taken them for a late afternoon stroll only to loose the dog in the park because I was nightblind and couldnt see it running away from me.

This went on for another twenty minutes. By half an hour I started calling for help. I could hear people passing but then they kept on walking. I was crying out "excuse me, can somebody help, I am blind and I have lost my dog"..(afterwards I forgave the people for walking on, imagine stopping for a drunk person in the park who claims he has lost a dog?) and I see two girls drunkenly walking through the park They take one look at me and say they "have to go" and cannot help. I told them to say hi to adolf when they go to hell. their tails were between their legs, and they kept walking. Instead of getting angry, I again knew I had to change tactic. Someone who can arrange to get paid to ski can resolve this situation!

The next time I heard someone, which was about three quarters of an hour later I changed my cry to from simply "i am blind," to "can someone please help I am night-blind and I cannt see a thing and I have lost my little dog, can you please help me?", it is like stating the declaration of independence as a call for help..anyway so this old couple help me get the dog and takes me to the road and I wish them merry christmas and invite them home but they politely declined and that was it. Two hours of panic. Resolution was really a matter of mind. And the power of wanting to go to the snow resolved my fear.

Hopefully tonight this same power can cure my suspectedly broken middle toe. Is there a division for the blind deaf ski race for people with broken middle toes?

how it started, methods.

Asking my leading global custodian employer :-P for sponsorship money only seemed natural. In the end it was kind of really easy. With a really cool boss who almost acted like my lawyer in the initial negotiations..."what about a corporate credit card? business class?"....anyway so the paid for my ski guide, my accommodation and food and my ski pass. I am going to buy a couple of pairs of skis and boots over there and I will get them to pay for that too, Kind of really strange when things work right.

I am almost a bit defensive about the whole thing because I feel like I owe it to my employer to give it my best shot. Although in reality, I know and I am confident I will do my best, it is just that little bit extra making me try extra hard. Its funny, trying hard to ski! How could I not love it! Getting paid to ski! Who would have thought?!

Anyway so i started getting fit. Probably the first time in a long long time. Actually yes, the very first time in a long, long time. The best thing about it has been that I planned it pretty well. I knew the focus would be on balance and core strength. Because my eyes and hears arent crash hot I have a little trouble with balance. Most of the time the problem comes down to not being aware of your surroundings.

It therefore was a matter of focus. To cope with an obvious disability I chose to make a game out of it. If I tried hard enough, there was a solution to every problem. And the problems that did arise werent really a problem anyway because I was getting paid to ski!

From the time I organised the trip, which was late September, early October, I decided to get a personal trainer. I wisely choose to spend the month before getting prepared with a little warm up but by November I had hooked up with a personal trainer at the local gym. The main focus was on lunges, sqwats, with weights and medicine balls, with the chest held high. There was a lot of back work, lifting, pulling and heaving together with adomenal and back work on the fit ball, and just a little upper body strength work.

Before every session three or four times a week I warmed up for half an hour, using a routine that I devised from a helpful chart on the wall adding extra things as I learnt them from my personal trainer. I powered walked home exhausted after each hour and half sessions. The ocean breeze from Bondi a great way to finish off, but I was always thinking about the snow, and the crisp clean impressions, the swish sound of squeeky powder, and the smile it brings on my face everytime.

Give it a shot

I am not really sure at what point I really decided to do this, perhaps it was too much time in front of the computer and not enough of enjoying life's pleasures like fresh dry powder snow, perhaps it was the dreary existence of a office job that although seems promising, was really just a job and nothing to get excited about. Every other part of my life seemed sweet, a great fiancee, a nice house and dog, good friends and family. Apart from being legally blind and deaf I am relatively healthy.

But did i really want to spend all my day at work thinking about what ifs? I just really wanted to.

I suppose my biggest weakness in all this is that i am blissfully unaware. It is my trademark weakness. I am confident with what I dont know. This is a weak point because it is important to know. It is so simple it almost sounds counter intuitive, but it can sure as hell make you look like a fool. I am in some respects naive but I dont care, in the process, I leave myself wide open.

So one week to go. and thirty hours of travelling from old Sydney town to Kimberley. in the Kootenays, British Columbia, Canada. meh. Keating was right with one thing. we are at the arse end of the world.

Greetings and Introduction

Howdy All,

My name is Ben. I have always skied and loved the snow. My very first memory is of a family trip to Thredbo in Australia where I got so sick I nearly died. In nearly thirty years nothing much has changed. I will always be challenged. That is my life. This is the story of that life.

At around twenty years old some strange things started happening to me. I became less confident in the dark. I started having car crashes. I even started avoiding some social situations because of a lack of confidence in my own abilities.

It took some time for a correct diagnosis; in the end I was told I suffered from a rare form of retinitis pigmentosa called Usher's Syndrome. Usher's is characterised by congential deafness and a degenerative loss (tautological?) of peripheral vision (often called tunnel vision).

Needless to say I was heartbroken. At the time I thought it was the end of my life as I knew it.

Now at twenty ninc years old and after four years of 'knowing" things have completely turned around. I have met a beautiful lass named Fleur who is soon to be my wife. We have a great home and a funny dog. I hold a pretty decent job and I am known and respected in the industry for my hardworking nature. Most importantly, I am the happiest I have ever been in my whole life.

I also recently was told my loss of vision qualified me for the category B2 division of the Paralympics. My goal is to make the 2010 Paralympic Games in Whistler Canada and represent the greatest country on earth, Orstraya.

This blog is the story of that goal. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ups and downs which dreams are made of.